Strengthing Father Daughter Relationships

While fathers certainly love all their children, it seems that dads spend a lot more time with their sons.  Maybe they think they have more in common with their boys or are just a little intimidated by the girls.

But with a little more understanding, fathers can feel very comfortable and open themselves to their daughters as they do to their sons.  It is IMPERATIVE for fathers to connect with their little girls.  Family research has found that fathers who have loving relationships with their daughters;
•Have better grades in school
•Feel better about themselves
•Are more assertive without being aggressive
•Are more likely to be admitted to graduate school and earn a degree
•Feel more confident in relationships with men in general.

Being able to provide these experiences and directions for my daughter is essential to her development, as well as being important to me.  Along with the lifelong positives of a good father daughter relationship comes the opportunity for a father to be there for her now and in the future. 

So what can a father do to create and keep a loving secure relationship with his daughter?

Fathers start to create a positive relationship the day their child is born.  Stay involved in their life from day one and take an active role. The more time you spend with your kids from the onset, the easier it will be to continue building the relationship and trust for a lifetime.

I teach my daughter as much as I know about computers, cars, home repairs and fixing cars.  While its great for girls to know how to ride a bike or read or help their mom around the house, it’s also good to teach them "guy" things.  If she can change the oil in her own car, she will feel like she can conquer the world.  Just being with her dad and doing things he is doing will be a treat to her.

Most of our daughters love to talk; I know mine does.  In my experience, little girls tend to vocalize more than boys do growing up.  How we can build this relationship with our daughters is listen more.  Truly pay attention to her when you two are together (no cell phones, emails, TV or radio), focus on her.  Listen to what she is thinking, dreaming, and wishing in her life.  Most of all, keep confidences.  When she shares something with you that is private and bares her soul, don't repeat the story.  It is one sure way to hurt your relationship when you violate a trust.
I love to ask what my daughter would like to do.  I have been pleasantly surprised with some of her ideas. We have been to the dog park, made glass stone art, and went for ice cream.  Do things that are fun and entertaining.  I have read stories, built skyscrapers, and had my hair done by her with her beauty salon.  Building fun memories in a positive environment can make a huge difference.

Tell her she's beautiful.  This is important.  Modern culture and the media often give our daughters the message that they need to be the right weight, wear the right makeup, dress stylishly and sometimes immodestly to be beautiful.  When you tell your daughter she is beautiful, emphasize the importance of being beautiful inside--more than skin deep.  Compliment her when her eyes sparkle or when she breaks into a big smile.

Take the time occasionally to write your daughter a letter expressing your feelings, letting her know how you feel about her and how proud you are of her.  These little personal expressions mean a lot to our daughters and are a good way of showing her that you love her.  I send my little girl flowers to school at least once a month to let her know I love her.  Try it and see her face light up.

The way your daughter sees you treat women makes a huge difference in how she will see men later in life.  Be on your best behavior with her, her mother and other female friends and relatives.  Simple courtesy and kindness will go a long way in helping her know what to expect of men in her later life.  If she has learned from you how a gentleman behaves, she will be less likely to bring home a loser.

Making time to build your relationship with your daughter will pay big dividends over time.  Even though it may seem more fun to spend time with the guys, there is nothing quite like the relationship that can develop between a daughter and her daddy.




"The greatest gift I ever had came from God, and I call him Dad!"
--- Anonymous

Every father of a llitle girl should read this book
8 Ways Dads Benefit Boys


My father and I had a really good relationship.  He was there at every function from the day I was born until the day he passed encouraging me and providing helpful advice I use to this day.  Dad passed in May of 1998 from Lymphoma and although he is not with me I still remember the good times we experienced as father and son.

Here are some ways we can strengthen our relationships and bond with our sons.

Countless studies have shown that growing up with a father increases boys' school performance and decreases their risk of committing a crime and abusing drugs and alcohol. Here are eight more ways dads influence boys—whether they live in the home or stay involved on a regular basis.

  1. Shape their identity. Boys look to fathers in their search for self. Without a father, boys have a harder time defining who they are and who they want to be. A boy's search for self starts with his father.
 
2. ImageHelp them belong. The need to belong to a family or tribe is a powerful force in boys. Having a father in the picture gives them this sense of alliance. Studies show that boys without fathers are more likely to join gangs—because they have to look outside the family for social acceptance.
 
3. Influence their values. Boys with fathers are more likely than their fatherless peers to have economic stability in the household. This gives them a sense of self-worth. There are other values fathers shape: work ethic, having a healthy relationship, and persevering.

  4. Demonstrate character. Boys look up to their fathers and imitate what they see. Fathers can model good character traits like integrity, honesty, courage, restraint, fairness, foresight, and citizenship. When fathers are absent, boys look to celebrities, popular musicians, or sports figures for character cues.

  5. Teach respect. A father who does not show up for his boy epitomizes disrespect. Present fathers, on the other hand, can actively teach respectful behaviors such as listening, trust, tolerance, politeness, and understanding limits.

  6. Fill the void. Boys without fathers often feel as though there's something missing, which is why some fatherless boys turn to sex, pornography, violence, drugs, alcohol, or other self-destructive behaviors. Having a father helps boys feel complete.

  7. Balance ideas about sex. Boys without fathers have a lot of unanswered questions about sex. A side effect is that they don't talk about sex and get the practical advice that would carry them into healthy, fulfilling relationships as men. Fathers can give practical advice about girls, sex, wet dreams, contraceptives, pregnancy, and other topics they are not likely to discuss with their moms.

  8. Give them love. Boys who don't have involved fathers often view love as vulnerability, and trust as a bad thing. Fathers show boys that love means satisfaction and completeness.